CROSS-EYED MARIA, HER SISTER TERESA, and SOPHIA, ALL PREGNANT at ONCE

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Cross-eyed Maria,
Her sister Teresa,
And Sophia,
All pregnant at once
Blame it all on Alfredo
That pendejo from Waco
‘Cept nobody’s seen him for months.

In the little cantina
Cerveza mas fria
And pizza
They sell by the slice.
And a warm afternoon
In the back room
Of the saloon
Is God’s definition of nice.

Nachos
And tacos
Cold bowls of
Gazpacho
And lord them three ladies can cook.
But Maria’s the boss
For when her eyes cross
Your troubles double
Along with her look.

No you’re never expectin’ one,
A red-headed Mexican
But Alfredo was just such an hombre.
Oh he was a handsome one
His horse was a prancin’ one
When he rode to the cantina that Monday.

It was a warm Tuesday
When Maria
Said “You stay,”
And by Thursday
He’s disturbing
Their tranquility.
He had a lot of gall
But he only had one ball
So no one suspected his virility.

It was all silly mayhem
Until one chilly a.m.
When Alfredo kissed Maria on the cheek.
He said, “Baby Girl you’re wonderful
And I’ve had a summerful
Of love tonight now go back to sleep.”

Then he kissed Maria again
And made Maria grin
And set her cross eyes a-twinkle.
And her contented smile
Lasted quite
A long while
Until Maria had to get up to tinkle.

To hear Maria tell it
What broke next was all hell it
Is strange
What jeal-
Ousy can do.
She said “I looked out the window
And I saw a shadow
And there’s one thing
That I know
Is true.

“As I looked across the meadow
I saw the shadow
Creep from the back door of Teresa.
And though the night was deep
I saw the shadow creep
Right up to the back door of Sophia.

“It was two men, I seen ‘em,
So I shot between ‘em
With my trusty not rusty thirty-eight-o.
And when they bit the dust
It was just
Their hard luck
That they both turned out to be ‘Fredo.”

Then I asked Maria,
Teresa, Sophia,
What was the next thing the three of
Them did.
They said, “Deputy, we no cook him
But the three of us took him
And fed his cheating ass to the pigs.

No Alfredo
Never made it
Back to Waco.

So how are you liking your tacos
Al puerco?”

Said Cross-eyed Maria
With her sister Teresa
And Sophia, all smiling at once.

Cross-eyed Maria
With her sister Teresa
And Sophia, all pregnant at once.